


What love feels like

by Rainbugi



Category: VICTON (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, hanse is an idiot, oblivious hanse, subin is patient
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:54:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27690311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainbugi/pseuds/Rainbugi
Summary: Hanse feels sick more and more lately. He notices this happens a lot around Subin. Subin is strangely enough amused rather than concerned.
Relationships: Do Hanse & Jung Subin, Do Hanse/Jung Subin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 37
Collections: VICFEST®—round two!





	What love feels like

**Author's Note:**

> prompt 525: Hanse has never been in love before. A fluffy kinda introspective piece where Hanse isn't used to the concept of being in love and isn't aware of his own feelings for Subin for a longgggg time and Subin has to make him realize.
> 
> Hi :3 I hope this is fun to read! Thank you prompter for your wonderful suggestion :D

Lately, Hanse hasn’t been feeling so well. It all started one night several weeks ago, at Subin’s, when they were watching a movie. Subin had laughed so hard at a joke he had fallen over against Hanse, who promptly felt nauseous. He had brushed it off as having eaten too many snacks, since they had gone through several packs of cookies and crisps that night.

It didn’t end there, though. That night he had felt unnaturally warm, and he had thrown off the blankets to cool himself down a bit, but nothing helped. He supposed he was coming down with something. He locked himself in his apartment for a few days, so he could recover and not infect anyone else with whatever he had.

He was fine for a while, hanging out with friends like normal and going back to work. It seemed like it had indeed been nothing to worry about. But then one night, he walked through the park on his way home and ran into Subin, who threw him a happy smile.

“Hanse! Are you feeling better again?” He asked, enthusiastically skipping over to him.

“Yeah, I’m all good now!” Hanse smiled back, but he felt his stomach churn a bit uneasily. Perhaps he had overdone it and he needed more rest.

“Do you want to take a walk with me?” Subin asked, gesturing around. “It’s a nice night for one.”

“Sure.” A walk shouldn’t be too much. Fresh air is important after all, he figured.

So they took a walk, slowly circling through the park, side by side. Subin happily chatted about everything that had happened in the week that had passed. Hanse merely nodded and laughed along, content to let Subin speak. He usually tended to be more talkative, but Subin’s voice was so pleasant to listen to, he didn’t mind staying a bit more silent around him.

“What about you? I hope you weren’t too lonely.” Subin asked, looking up at him with his soft, brown eyes. Hanse’s heart picked up speed a bit, which was odd, since they hadn’t increased their pace.

“It was alright, I got to lay in the couch all day. I think I actually might have gotten better than you now at Mario Kart.” He said smugly.

“Yeah, right, like that’d ever happen.” Subin giggled at Hanse’s affronted expression.

“Alright, if you’re so sure, how about a rematch?” He held his head high ask he asked, but he knew he was simply asking to get his butt kicked.

“Sure! Tomorrow evening at mine?” Subin’s smile widened and Hanse was sure now his heart was going at unreasonable speeds. He took a deep breath to steady himself a bit.

“Alright, I’ll be there. I’ll head home now though, I think I need some sleep.” He threw Subin an apologetic smile and they said their goodbyes.

Once he was back in his own apartment he felt fine again. Strange. Perhaps he had been wearing too little clothes. He hoped he wouldn’t catch a cold. He didn’t really feel like getting sick again. The next day nothing seemed off, so he decided to go along with his plans and meet with Subin in the evening. He still took it easy the rest of the day, to be sure he wouldn’t be too tired that night.

When it was time to go to Subin’s he felt like he could stay awake all night, that's how well rested he was. Nothing could possibly go wrong. Right?

At first it seemed like he was right. They chatted for a bit as Subin pulled the snacks and drinks that he stashed for nights like this out, and Hanse got comfortable on the couch. He had wanted to help, but Subin insisted it wasn’t necessary. Subin flopped down next to him after neatly arranging all the snacks and starting up the game.

He lost the first game, to Subin’s immense glee, but he was determined to have his revenge, so they kept playing. Several rounds later he had gotten no closer to winning, but he did feel uncomfortably warm again. Perhaps it was because Subin was so close. He glanced sideways and saw the expression of pure bliss on Subin’s face as he finally shut the game down.

His heart picked up a bit again, so he got up and excused himself to the bathroom. He figured splashing some cold water on his face ought to cool him down, so he did just that. When he looked in the mirror he noticed his face was a little red, which made him wonder if Subin had noticed. He hoped not, he didn’t want him to worry.

He calmed down slightly, enough to go back and safely bid Subin goodnight. Subin asked him to stay the night, but he figured that really wasn’t a good idea, so a bit later a sulky Subin waved him goodbye. His heart clenched and he wondered if he really shouldn’t be getting himself to a doctor.

He got himself home in one piece and quickly went to bed. Maybe he was getting old and he should rest more. That was ridiculous as he was only 23. There had to be another reason. He lay in bed for a while thinking it over, but no matter how long he thought on it, he couldn’t figure out any possible causes. Unless Subin somehow made him sick, which was ridiculous to even consider.

The rest of the week passed relatively normal. He got a few moments of dizziness, particularly one morning after opening his phone and finding a good morning text from Subin. That day he took it a bit more easy and lounged around at home, instead of going to the dance studio to practice like he had scheduled. He didn’t need to pass out, there was no point.

He met up with his friends the next week, and they went to the arcade. It was going very well until he decided to buy everyone drinks and a very happy and chipper Subin jumped up to come assist him in carrying them, tripping in the process. Luckily Hanse was able to catch him. Unfortunately that also resulted in a new wave of dizziness on Hanse’s part.

He laughed it off while Subin apologized, red faced, and their friends made fun of them the entire evening. Eventually even Subin could laugh about it, but Hanse’s laughs were far from genuine as he battled his stomach fiercely and lost, eventually going home early with an excuse of being too tired. It wasn’t a full lie, he was tired from trying to keep his friends from noticing anything wrong.

The days went on like that. Seemingly hanging out with his friends (particularly Subin, but that wasn’t something he wanted to admit) took a very great toll on his health. He refused to let it get to him, though, and he continued hanging out like normal. Mostly everything went fine.

At first he didn’t realize he was starting to avoid Subin. Where before they would hang out a few nights every week, with or without their other friends, now that was only once a week at most. He missed watching scary movies or playing games. He missed making Subin laugh or holding silly contests while eating.

He thought it was just their schedules not matching up. He had been busier with practice for an upcoming event, and Subin had been spending a lot of extra time at the office, since holiday season was coming up and things were getting busier. But then Seungwoo, one of his fellow dancers, pointed out very helpfully that it was Hanse who had suggested they practice at these hours.

When he thinks back on it, it has been more than a week- no, more than two weeks since he last saw Subin. He checks his phone and notices the stream of messages Subin has left him. His stomach churns, but this time he knows it’s not him being sick, it’s guilt. How did he let it get this far?

He opens the message tabs and scrolls past the endless ‘I hope you’re alright’ and ‘Did I do something wrong?’ messages and hastily starts typing an apology. As he types he starts to realize how ridiculous he sounds. ‘I don’t know what happened, I just started avoiding you’ doesn’t really sound like a proper apology. He figures it’s best to talk this through in person.

Hanse: “Hey, can you meet?”

Subin: “Yes, please. Now?”

Panic settles in Hanse’s stomach for a moment, but he quickly pushes it aside. No time like the present. If he allows himself time to think this over he will think of an excuse to get out of it, and neither of them need that right now.

Hanse: “I’ll be at yours in 5.”

Hanse: “If that’s okay.”

Subin: “Make it 2 c:”

Hanse: “Running!”

A smile briefly flashes across Hanse’s face before he bolts out the door and actually runs over to Subin’s. He knows he doesn’t have to; Subin was definitely joking in his text, but that just lessened the worries he had, and now he feels light as a feather as he flies through the streets.

He knocks on Subin’s door barely 3 minutes later, out of breath with his heart thrumming wildly in his chest. Subin opens up, a small smile on his face, that grows once he notices Hanse’s panting.

“You didn’t have to actually run, yknow.” He giggles softly, stepping aside to let Hanse in.

“I know, but I felt like it.” He feels that odd heat curl in his chest again, and frowns. He hasn’t felt it in a while. About two weeks, to be exact.

“So what’s this all about?” Subin asks as he shoves a glass of water in Hanse’s hand. They move over to the couch to sit down and Hanse takes a deep breath before starting his story.

“To be honest, I’m not sure. I know this is going to sound stupid, but please hear me out.” Subin nods and Hanse takes a quick sip of water before continuing.

“You remember how I got sick a few weeks ago?” Another solemn nod. “Well, it seemed to get better, but somehow it kept coming back whenever I hung out with you. I didn’t figure this out until earlier today, but I suppose that’s why I kind of started avoiding you? It was subconscious, but I still feel really bad. I shouldn’t have.”

“What do you mean by it coming back whenever you hung out with me? What about it came back?” Subin’s smile has grown, confusing Hanse even further.

“Well I mean, what I was feeling before came back. Sometimes only partly, and other times fully.” Hanse gestures vaguely. What does it matter what symptoms he had? And why does Subin look like he’s not confused at all? He can’t figure it out.

“You never did tell me what exactly even got you sick.” Subin’s outright smirking now and Hanse frowns, feeling more and more like he’s being messed with.

“You know, the usual. I supposed at first it was from eating too many snacks, but then I got really warm so I guessed it was some sort of flu or stomach bug.” Hanse shrugs and scratches his neck. Subin actually giggles at that and now Hanse is getting a little angry. “Is me getting sick that amusing to you?”

“No, but-” Subin says and he futilely attempts to stop his giggles. Eventually he calms down enough to continue. “I just find it very funny you haven’t figured it out yet.”

“Figured what out?” Hanse frowns and Subin starts laughing again.

“It’s just so obvious!” He pants and clutches his stomach. “Oh you’re funny.”

“Please help me out here, what’s obvious?” Hanse is feeling really left out on the joke now. Even though he is happy his friend is having fun, it’s still his health they’re talking about.

“Okay, okay.” Subin sits up properly and nods, keeping his face as serious as he can. He can’t help but smile a bit, though, Hanse notices. “Think about it. What are the symptoms you were having exactly?”

Now this makes sense. Hanse knows, obviously, that describing and identifying symptoms is essential to figuring out someone’ s illness. “Well, the first thing I noticed was the nausea. That was that night I got really sick. I felt super warm all night, even with the blankets thrown off.”

Subin nods and gestures for him to continue, so he does. He tells him all about the times he felt his heart race and his cheeks heat, up until earlier when he felt that familiar churning of his stomach again. The entire time Subin does not laugh, but he looks like he could burst out into laughter at any moment, and at one point he coughs very suspiciously.

“Okay, and do you remember what you were doing every time you felt this way?” He asks once Hanse is done explaining.

“For most of them, yeah.” Hanse shrugs. He wonders why that matters, but he doesn’t want to question it too long. The longer he’s here the warmer he seems to become.

“Tell me.” Subin leans forward and places a hand on Hanse’s and he feels his temperature spike as his heart rate increases.

“Well, the first time was here, at your place, when we were watching a movie and I felt really sick. I told you about that. When I got home I felt pretty okay but I stayed inside for a while to make sure. Then… at the park? I guess, was the next time.” Hanse slowly goes through the list of all the times he felt weird.

As he talks he starts to realize more and more that his assumptions of before were correct. Every time he had felt this way was when he was with Subin. “Well and that brings us to now. While im here with you. My stomach feels weird.”

Subin’s hand has never left Hanse’s, even now squeezing reassuringly. “What do you think those have in common?”

Ah so Subin realized it too. Still he feels a bit insecure as he tries to confirm his suspicions. “You?”

“You got it!” Subin cheers happily, finally letting go of his hand to clap enthusiastically. “So what do you think it means?”

Hanse frowns. “That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out! It can’t be that you make me sick, I feel far too happy when I spend time with you!” He says, feeling frustrated. Why does it seem like Subin thinks this should be obvious?

“You really don’t get it? I mean I knew you were bad with this, but I didn’t think you were this bad…” Subin trails off as Hanse frowns even more. “I’ll help you. It’s not symptoms of illness you’ve been having. It’s something else.” He hints and Hanse huffs.

“That doesn’t help.”

“Oh common just try to figure it out!” Subin giggles, clearly enjoying himself a bit too much.

“Fine. “ Hanse sighs. It’s clear he isn’t getting anything else out of Subin for now, so he might as well try to play along. “If it’s not an illness, what could it be? Something I don’t know much about? That’s a lot of things actually.”

He wracks his brain, trying to come up with a solution. Meanwhile, Subin’s hands find one of his and he starts playing with his fingers. It’s very cute. Hanse feels like he’s going to throw up. What could this be if not some weird sort of sickness? He looks down at their hands and feels a sharp twang in his chest.

He tries to pay more attention to what exactly it feels like. It doesn’t really hurt, like he expected it to. Instead it feels good. Kind of… happy. Suddenly it clicks into place. _Oh_. He thinks back on all the moments he had so stupidly thought he was coming down with something.

Whenever he felt this way was not only when he was with Subin, but also when he was particularly happy, mostly because of Subin. Now that he thinks about it, really, none of those times he actually really felt sick. He was just so happy his body couldn’t deal with it. Or rather, _in love_. He groans and hides his face in his free hand. How embarrassing, no wonder Subin was able to put it together so easily.

The stomach churns- or butterflies, as he can now correctly identify them - come back in tenfold when Subin gently pries his hand away from his face. The world around him is a little bit blurry and to his horror he sniffles, drops rolling down his cheeks. Why is he so upset? It’s only a silly crush-on-my-best-friend situation (he refuses to think the word ‘love’ again).

“So you figured it out then.” Subin says softly and he wipes at his cheeks with the sleeves of his far too big sweater that makes him look so cute Hanse has to fight the urge to actually burst into tears fully. He feels a second bout of terror run through him as he realizes _Subin knows_. He knows about his silly crush and Hanse is not ready for him to know. He doesn’t think he ever would have been if he had figured it out on his own.

“Yeah.” He whispers, trying to shake himself out of the spiral of dread he’s tumbling down in. “Yeah I guess I did.” _And you did too_. He can’t even say it.

“Say it, then.” Subin smiles so warmly at him it breaks right through his wall of fear and into his heart.

Before he knows it he hears himself utter a soft “I love you.” His jaw sets as he anxiously waits for what comes next. Will Subin make fun of him? Or tell him to get out? Is he upset? He didn’t seem upset. But maybe Hanse was wrong and Subin never figured it out and now Subin is just as shocked-

His train of thoughts gets interrupted when he feels two soft hands, still half hidden in the sleeves of a sweater, cup his cheeks. He never realized he closed his eyes, but he opens them now, and Subin is far closer than he expected. It’s dizzying, and Hanse wonders briefly if fainting would cause him to hit his head on the coffee table, but then he notices Subin’s eyes flicker down to his lips and suddenly there's no thoughts at all anymore.

The press of Subin’s lips on his is sweet but brief, and he instantly wants more, but he can’t quite move. His entire body has turned into a statue as he still comes to terms with the fact that he is in love, with Subin, and that Subin seems to be in love too, with him. Subin is in love with him. Subin is in love with him?

He opens his mouth to ask but all that comes out is a choked noise when Subin engulfs him in a warm hug.

“I love you too Hanse. Always have.” He says it quietly, but it’s so close to Hanse’s ear he can still hear it. His face heats up, and he quickly buries it in Subin’s neck.

When they finally untangle themselves he looks at Subin with a small frown. “Why didn’t you tell me? I mean, not only about you being in love with me, but also me being in love with you.”

Subin giggles brightly and pecks his cheek, his frown instantly making place for a surprised but pleased expression as he completely forgets about his worries. “ I didn’t want to scare you off with a sudden confession if you weren’t ready to realize your own feelings, and I figured you would eventually realize it yourself. But these last few minutes I’ve just been messing with you because you’re cute when you’re flustered.”

“You’re a little demon.” Hanse means to sound angry and menacing, but instead it comes out as if he is cooing and Subin giggles happily. Hanse immediately feels his heart soar, and before he knows it he’s leaning in to press another soft kiss to Subin’s lip, one that lasts a bit longer. _So this is what love feels like_.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading uwu leave a comment/kudos if you'd like! <33


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